I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
