I think i peed on brittanys purse
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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