what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
How does one acquire holy water?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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