OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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