I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
