Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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