I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
