Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
