if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
