The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
