mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
