So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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