It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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