so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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