Are we in a gay sports bar?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Too much gin, very little bucket
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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