The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
