life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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