I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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