Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
