90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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