too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
