you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
