I wish I could teleport
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
