Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
