Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
