White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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