my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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