Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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