Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
