i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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