My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
