Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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