my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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