so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
