I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
