dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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