Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
