he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
