I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
