You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
not ubering you a puppy
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
