guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
