no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
