dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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