are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
