can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
