its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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