if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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