we have pet lesbian snakes
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
