this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
