I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
