She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
