we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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