I got chris browned last night
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
