Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
