Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
