I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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