someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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