I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
