If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
