I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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