I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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