No more Irish car bombs ever.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
