You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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