are you still at the devil's house?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
