i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
