Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
