Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
