Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
