'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
