Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
