If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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