i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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