operation harelip BJ is a go
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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